welcome to the oscar recap

brought to you by sister AND brother

It’s true! We live in different cities and rarely get to write pieces in a joint voice so this is one special day for us, folks. A moment of unified snarkiness, if you will. Nothing like a glass of Chardonnay and some Mexican food to bring out the fashion police in us! Here’s our dissection for 2012’s Academy Award Show starting with our list of the “best dressed” and segueing into a heartless review of the “worst dressed.”

KELLY OSBORNE IS DONNING A BLACK RHINESTONE, BADGLEY MISCHKA GOWN THAT FITS HER LIKE A GLOVE. CAN WE AVOID THE GRAY HAIR, HOWEVER? PLEASE?

FIRST TIME ATTENDEE TO THE OSCARS, MILLA JOVOVICH IS ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING IN AN ELIE SAAB STRUCTURED, WHITE OFF THE SHOULDER GOWN. RED LIPS ARE AN ADDED BONUS.

GIULIANA, BILL RANCIC HAS COME A LONG WAY SINCE HIS DAYS WITH DONALD AND THE APPRENTICE. HOMEBOY'S GOT HIMSELF A HOTTIE. LOVE THIS LOOK!

HOLY SMOKEADOODLE DANDY, JESSICA CHASTAIN, YOU LOOK FRICKIN' AMAZE BALLS. I THINK YOU'RE TAKING HOME BEST DRESSED. JUST SAYIN'...

FLANKED IN A CORAL, PEPLUM LOUIS VUITTON TREASURE, MICHELLE WILLIAMS LOOKS SO AMAZING, WE CAN'T EVENT TAKE IT. HER PIXIE CUT GOT A BIT OF A REHAUL, AS WELL. MAY MATCH HER SKIN TONE A SMIDGE TOO WELL, BUT WHATEV. MODERN, SLEEK, PLAYFUL AND GLAM.

DRESS IS HO HUM, BUT THE HAIR IS FLY. GO CAM.

NO NEED TO "HELP" MS. EMMA STONE. SHE WAS A VISION IN A RED, GIAMBATTISTA VALLI GOWN. THE GINORMOUS BOW WAS TRES CHIC. SHE'S JUST SO CUTE WE COULD EAT HER.

HAVE TO MENTION "BRANGELINA." IT'S NOT THAT THEY DON'T ALWAYS LOOK GOOD ('CAUSE WE'D BE STRAIGHT STOOPID TO SAY OTHERWISE), BUT WE'RE A BIT BORED. THAT'S IT. SNOOOORE. ANGE IN VERSACE. OF COURSE.

KERMIT IS GOING TO BE GREEN WITH ENVY OVER VIOLA DAVIS' STUNNING VERA WANG NUMBER. GIRLFRIEND NAILED IT.

ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID, BUT MAYBE NOT AFTER TONIGHT. WHOA, KRISTEN WIIG... SOMEBODY GOT A STYLIST.

OKAY, SO MIXED REVIEWS FOR VARIOUS REASONS (MAINLY, THAT SHE'S BECOME IRRELEVANT, BUT THIS DRESS SEEMS OTHERWISE), BUT LET'S JUST SAY GLENN CLOSE STILL HAS A BODY FOR DAYS AND LADY'S WORKING IT IN THIS MERMAID BLACK TAFFETA PIECE OF ART. WE ACTUALLY KIND OF LOVE.

GWYNNIE CAN DO NO WRONG IN OUR WORLD. TOM FORD DRESS AND CAPE. SHE WEARS WHITE BECAUSE SHE'S AN ANGEL SENT FROM THE HOLLYWOOD GODS. ALL HAIL, PRINCESS G.

J-LO GETS LOOOWW IN HER DEEP VNECK, ZUHAIR MURAD STUNNER. SORT OF A CHEVRON PATTERNED DRESS THIS LOOK WAS LITERALLY SHEER DELIGHT. THE ONLY ACCESSORY MISSING WAS HER BOY TOY, CASPER SMART. GUESS HE IS PRETTY SMART TO LOCK JENNY ON THE BLOCK DOWN.

And now for the worst dressed. The “fuglies”… the horrendous attempts at being different and cool and avant gard. Enough already, darlings… just wear something flattering and call it a day. Stop trying SO hard and if you actually paid someone to dress you this way, well, our condolences. 😉

SANDRA B. IS AN ALL-TIME FAVE OF OURS, BUT WHAT IS UP WITH THE OREO DRESS? THOSE GOLD VINES LOOK LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO EAT YOUR INSIDES. MISSI PYLE'S DRESS IS A TURQUOISE HOT MESS. MAKE UP YOUR MIND AND CHOOSE ONE DESIGN, NOT SIX. ROONEY MARA MIGHT BE THE PUNK VERSION OF AUDREY HEPBURN, BUT THIS DRESS IS WAY OFF THE MARK FOR HER. HEY, AT LEAST SHE HAS EYEBROWS TONIGHT! BERENICE BEJO NEEDS A MIRROR. GIRLFRIEND SHOULDN'T BE ACCEPTING AN AWARD IN THAT DRESS. WE'RE OBSESSED WITH MELISSA MCCARTHY, BUT WHAT ON EARTH?THE COLOR AND THE DESIGN = NO BUENO. AND LASTLY, NOT EVEN REALLY SURE WHO "SHALENE" IS, BUT THIS VALENTINO COUTURE DRESS IS ALL WRONG. LOOKS LIKE A FANCY NIGHTGOWN. JUST NO.

So, that’s the long and short of it for us. Loved a lot of the looks we saw tonight. Of course, wish we could have seen more of the actual films, but whatev. Who were your favorites and your lineup of disasters?

– sister AND brother

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One Response to welcome to the oscar recap

  1. MK says:

    A simple Google search would have directed you info behind the dress that Missi Pyle wore to the Oscars… http://www.ecouterre.com/missi-pyle-brings-the-red-carpet-green-dress-challenge-to-2012-oscars/

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